A few notes:

1. Defense strategy: Mara Karlin, the former Pentagon Levant director, has an interesting piece about U.S. military assistance to Lebanon, in The Daily Star:

A Lebanese soldier's yearly ration of bullets. Seriously.

“One year ago, my first effort after leaving the US Defense Department was to publish a piece in a major Israeli newspaper explaining why Israel should support a strong Lebanese military. As one of the architects of the United States’ program to re-build the Lebanese Armed Forces, a concept Israel has resisted, I thought it vital that the Israeli public understand how important this effort was for regional security.

“I now realize that I was wrong, not in terms of substance, but in my audience. Instead, I should have written a piece for the Lebanese media explaining why Lebanon should support the effort.

“After a host of meetings I held in Beirut this month, it is painfully clear to me that the American program to train and equip Lebanon’s armed forces is misunderstood. Its purpose, substance, and pace were criticized by nearly every political or military leader with whom I met while on my trip…”

(Keep reading)

2. Hezbollah and the STL: There is a great deal of speculation about what Sayyid Hasan Nasrallah is going to say in an interview tomorrow night with respect to the rumors regarding the Special Tribunal for Lebanon and its questioning of Hezbollah members.

A source tells al-Akhbar that Nasrallah intends to send the message that any attempt to accuse the party will lead to a “political May 7″, referring to the events of May 7 2008, when Hezbollah forces took over Beirut and forced the Saniora government to rescind an order to dismantle the party’s private communication network:

ويوضح المرجع المذكور «أن الرسالة الفعلية التي يريد السيد نصر الله إبلاغها الجميع في لبنان والعالم هي أن التورط في مسألة اتهام الحزب سيقود حتماً إلى 7 أيار سياسي». ولفت إلى أن نصر الله الذي قال قبل أيام إنه «سيقول المناسب من الكلام في هذه المرحلة» يعطي إشارة إلى أن لديه الكثير من الأوراق في جعبته، وهو يحاول تنبيه الآخرين إلى خطورة ما يقدمون عليه. لكن المرجع نفى علمه بما إذا كان نصر الله سيكشف عن خفايا بعض الاتصالات التي جرت بشأن هذا الموضوع مع حزب الله من قبل جهات محلية وخارجية».

(Keep reading)

3. Arab Democracy: The 2009-2010 Arab Democracy Index has been published. Lebanon now ranks fourth out of the ten countries surveyed, and made the biggest leap forward between 2008 and 2009, in terms of democractic reforms adopted. I’ve posted the recommendations below, but you can download the entire report here (PDF).

1- Reform the election system by adopting an election law based on proportional representation and not the sectarian register. The new law should reduce the voting age, adopt a quota for women at least in the nomination process, and give the Election Commission (which oversees elections) administrative and financial independence as well as judicial authority. The Commission should not be affiliated with the Ministry of Interior; it should organize and oversee elections independently.

2- Implement the Municipal Law, passed in 1977, with amendments to provide direct election by the people of chairperson and vice-chairperson, to shorten the terms of the municipal councils, and to remove obstacles that hinder their performance. This should be accompanied by ratification of the Administrative Decentralization Law to ensure administrative and financial independence for municipalities and curb central surveillance, in order to activate local participation. A comprehensive development process is also required, which should limit the influence of politicians in local development.

3- Adopt a law to protect individuals who uncover corruption, and create a monitoring institution, such as an ombudsman, to promote administrative reform and combat corruption in public institutions.

4- Finalize the process of transferring jurisdiction over prisons from the Ministry of Interior to the Ministry of Justice; prosecute and punish in accordance with the Lebanese Penal Law those who commit torture in Lebanese prisons; and release detainees arrested without judicial warrant.

5- End prior censorship of publication and free publications and periodicals from the obligation to obtain a license.

6- Amend the Constitutional Council Law to give the Council authority to interpret the constitution, and not merely to monitor the constitutionality of laws and to settle parliamentary contestations. Appeals to the Constitutional Council must be facilitated, and its independence, initiative, and ability to review laws must be supported. The right to review laws – which Article 19 now limits to the President, the Prime Minister, the Speaker of Parliament, ten members of Parliament, and the heads of the recognized sects in Lebanon – should also be reconsidered. Under the present system, a political accord can lead to agreement on unconstitutional laws when the required majority to contest them is not available. Another very important recommendation here is to amend the selection process for members of the Constitutional Council, increasing its independence and immunizing it from political intervention and political attractions.

7- Confirm the independence of the judiciary and strictly enforce guarantees fully protecting judges from intervention from any source. This should involve comprehensive reform to enhance the status of the judiciary as an authority parallel to the executive and legislative authorities, as well as constitutional and legal amendments to protect the judiciary and judges from interference in their judgments and from external pressure. This can be achieved by changing the mechanism for the appointment of members of the Higher Council of Justice and by giving it authority to appoint and move judges from one place to another.

8- Enact an amendment to the Citizenship Law to entitle Lebanese women, like men, to pass Lebanese citizenship to their offspring, regardless of the spouse’s citizenship.

9- Establish a social security network with the power to draft a law for pensions, social security, and care for the elderly through serious, active dialogue among relevant parties (the state, laborers, and employers.)

10- Adopt an economic and financial plan to encourage productive sectors in industry, agriculture, and handicrafts in order to reduce unemployment and achieve comprehensive development in the country.

11- Special interest should be paid to education, especially the issue of school drop-out, and increased government expenditure on education.

Bookmark and Share

wordpress stats

Lebanese President Michel Sleiman just returned from a productive trip to Russia. Apparently, he modified Lebanon’s earlier request for a fleet of MiG-29′s, replacing them with an order for several Mi-24 attack helicopter gunships. A sensible idea, to my mind, given the fact that a MiG-29 can fly the length of Lebanon in 6 minutes, whereas a Mi-24 can actually be used for something relevant to Lebanon’s security needs. See here for a history of the Mi-24′s combat history; the closest American-made equivalent would probably be the UH-60 Blackhawk.

And speaking of the U.S., the Pentagon is planning to outfit the Lebanese Air Force with Hawker-Beechcraft AT-6′s (see above left). Don’t sneer.

Also, I recommend this piece by Mitch Prothero in The National, about the infamous Hezbollah helicopter shooting incident. Apparently, the accident was the result of an ignored warning by the Lebanese Army. Here’s an excerpt, but be sure to read the whole thing.

The army officer also blamed the army’s lack of proper communications equipment.

“We aren’t sophisticated enough on the subtle things, like secure communications lines. Hizbollah has a secure fibre optic network connecting all its major bases. We have telephones. During the [2008] siege of Nahr Bared [refugee camp], we realised that most of our guys were using mobile phones to plan military operations.”

Mr Goksel agrees, arguing that even if given the proper information, a Lebanese soldier might face a choice between relaying the important information over an unsecure line, almost certainly monitored by the Israelis, and doing nothing at all.

“Imagine a young officer learns that Hizbollah says to stay away from a field because they have intelligence that Israel might attack it,” he said. “If that officer only has a telephone that everyone knows the Israelis closely monitor, he’d be committing treason to call his headquarters in Beirut to warn them that Hizbollah thinks an Israeli attack could be coming and to get rid of the choppers. Imagine that choice?”

Finally, Joshua Landis has an interesting round-up of the fall-out of Ahmadinejad and Nasrallah’s meeting with Bashar al-Asad in Damascus.

Bookmark and Share

wordpress stats

I know you’re all probably bored stiff with the discussion about US military funding to the Lebanese Army, but I couldn’t pass this one up.

The following commentary was sent to me by a former official who has intimate firsthand knowledge of US-Lebanese military affairs. It is published here at QN with their permission.

**

I’ve been reading the discussion on your blog regarding US assistance to the LAF. As one of the only people from the Pentagon or State Department intimately involved in designing and operationalizing this effort who has left government, I would like to share some thoughts on this program.

I was one of the point people for countless briefings on this effort both within the Executive branch and before Congress. The initial security assistance package delivered after the war (primarily spare parts and ammunition) was for strengthening Lebanese sovereignty, as were all other elements of our effort to build the LAF. This was the key argument made for the assistance; not diminishing Hizballah’s operating space.

One criticism made in the discussion is that the U.S. should be building the LAF to fight the IDF. I’m perplexed as to why the U.S. should do so. Lebanon’s challenge, which it has faced from time immemorial, is the destabilizing impact of various domestic groups (many, if not all, fostered by external actors). Only when the Lebanese government can exert its sovereignty throughout Lebanese territory will Lebanon have a chance at achieving stability. Doing so will diminish the ability of outside parties to meddle in Lebanese affairs. This is what the aid program is intended to accomplish.

Building the LAF (or any partner state military, for that matter) does not mean nor should it ever mean “total, unrestricted support,” as some have asserted. This argument illustrates a shortsighted understanding of how to build a military. The LAF’s two biggest needs when the U.S. began the program to rapidly train and equip it were. . .mobility and ammunition. Yes, not very enticing, but these requirements were painfully clear to anyone who examined the LAF. In 2005, LAF troops did not have the ability to move deftly around the country. They averaged 3-5 bullets per soldier, per year (including training). In building the LAF, the U.S. has focused on addressing its urgent needs first. For this, the U.S. should be applauded. Furthermore, despite a painfully slow and outdated security assistance program, substantial aid has been delivered to Lebanon since 2006, yet another example of how high this effort has been on Washington’s priority list. One critical aspect of the U.S. program to rapidly build the LAF is its strategic-level focus. The establishment of the Joint Military Committee (JMC), a senior-level annual defense dialogue that the Pentagon leadership holds only with close allies, is one important example. This forum helps ensure both parties are on the same page, and it serves as an important avenue in facilitating discussion on issues like defense strategy.

A modernized, strengthened LAF would involve quite a few of the elements that Emile raises (which are, one should note, found in many of today’s militaries, not simply in Hizballah). However, the notion that Hizballah will support such an effort seems rather farcical. At the end of the day, a stronger, more willing LAF is inevitably a competitor to Hizballah, not a compatriot.

The notion that the U.S. and Lebanon have vastly differing visions of how to best rapidly build the LAF is actually rather inaccurate. Since this effort began, a sustained dialogue at various levels has enabled the parties to come to a similar understanding of the LAF’s needs, and how the U.S. would fulfill them. It is rare that one hears requests for F-16s or the like from LAF members. In fact, the Lebanese government’s decision to accept MiGs from Russia was rued throughout the LAF and by many political figures as well; at all levels, they understood that these planes were not helpful in fulfilling the LAF’s mandate.

Finally, I do believe this talk of LAF complaints is a bit overplayed. All militaries want security assistance in-country yesterday. A bit of frustration is inevitable, as we see in other cases (e.g., Iraq; Afghanistan; Pakistan). That said, the U.S. could have launched its effort to build the LAF earlier than it did; the first tranche of tangible assistance didn’t come through until the second half of 2006. Our system is what it is; the Founding Fathers designed it to impede, rather than to foster, action. So be it. Turn to the Iranians if one would prefer greater speed.

I should add that those interested in examining the current effort would do well to study the 1982-1984 period. That represented the first time the U.S. tried to rapidly build the LAF (under a program known as the Lebanese Army Modernization Program—LAMP), and it suffered from a host of problems. The U.S. has learned much since the LAMP transpired, including the significance of context, continuous reassessment, and appropriate distribution of materiel.

Thank you for the opportunity to comment.
wordpress stats

Nicholas Noe sent me this commentary to publish at QN; it’s a response to the debate about U.S. military funding for the Lebanese Army that we’ve hosted here over the past week. In other news, check out a preview of Jesse Aizenstat’s book on surfing in southern Lebanon. Also, the new Arab Reform Bulletin is out.

I’m off to beloved Beirut this afternoon, for a week. I will try to post between bites.

*

(Commentary for Qifa Nabki by Nicholas Noe, editor-in-chief of Mideastwire.com)

In July 2008, David Schenker posted a piece on Harvard’s MESH website that said: “The debate regarding U.S. support for the LAF has been fuelled by a contentious and factually inaccurate op-ed in the New York Times written by Nicholas Noe in mid-June. [As a result of] his article, “A Fair Fight for the Lebanese Army… No doubt, the Times received a flood of critical letters… Not surprisingly, it did not run any. Nevertheless, I still think it’s worth debunking some of the more egregious inaccuracies and bad thinking in Noe’s piece.”

At the time I declined to respond on MESH because of two unpleasant experiences with the editors who, on one occasion, had insisted on censoring certain criticism about the way that they “moderated” and restricted comment and, on another occasion, demonstrated that they only “vetted” charges which agreed with their right of center gravity (allowing statements about people having “gone native” and the like – quite apart from charges of “egregious inaccuracies”).

One year and half on from that episode – which, it should be said, was followed by more responsible and helpful criticism from Emile Hokayem and Andrew Exum – Schenker seems to have finally come clean, acknowledging frankly in Forbes.com what I and countless others had long argued: essentially, that the US refuses to alter Israel’s QME vis-à-vis Lebanon – and, therefore, ultimately refuses a credible exploration of how such an alteration, along with others steps, might underpin a peaceful strategy of integrating Hizbullah under the authority of a truly democratic state in Lebanon. (For those interested in the subject, I would suggest reading the 2009 enacted legislation that finally enshrines Israel’s QME into law).

“While U.S. taxpayer generosity, currently slated at over $100 million this year, will enhance LAF domestic counterterrorism capabilities,” Schenker wrote recently, “it is not meant–and will never be meant–to help Lebanon deter or defend against Israeli strikes.”

In July 2008, however, Schenker wrote on MESH: “Washington has fully backed the LAF…contrary to Noe’s assertion.”

“This and subsequent assistance,” he continued, “has not been subject to Israeli veto, but rather is based on a careful assessment of LAF operational requirements carried out by the United States and France.”

Well we now know what most of us, especially here in Lebanon, knew then – but this time with important, frank statements by a man who was an integral part of the Bush administration’s disastrous Lebanon policy: Since the inauguration of the Cedar Revolution in early 2005, US officials constantly and very publicly ratcheted up their rhetoric over the “unqualified” support – the total, unrestricted support for a robust LAF. But at the same time, “careful assessments” were not determining the quality and level of support – a desire to not disrupt Israel’s QME was.

At some point, the whole LAF-Bush Administration episode may stand as a classic exercise in how not to go about credible public diplomacy (as the rise and fall of the Cedar revolution should also stand as a test case of how not to go about a colour revolution).

Indeed, as the deputy chief of mission (DCM) in Beirut, William Grant, put it in an interview in pro-U.S. An-Nahar daily in August 2008, “There is nothing until now that the Lebanese Army requested and the Americans failed to provide. The army realizes that it can ask for whatever it wants and we did not offer it a limited list to choose from . . . there are no U.S. restrictions on what the army requests.” Later, in the same interview, Grant went a step further, explaining that, “We always hear complaints from the Lebanese people that the United States helps the Lebanese Army but it does not provide it with necessary weapons and equipment. This is totally not true.”

Beyond the clarity which he now brings to the discussion over the real limits of US support for the LAF, Schenker also raises a number of other points in his recent piece – some of which dovetail with Emile and Andrew’s thinking – which should also be taken to task by serious observers, scholars and partisans hoping to peacefully deal with Lebanon (and the region’s) problems:

First - “Lebanon received nearly $500 million worth of military material from Washington.” Actually, according to the Congressional Research service, by early 2009, only about $60 million had been delivered – kept in bay at that point to see how the June elections turned out, among other factors.

Second – “Washington has never been under any illusions regarding the political will of Lebanese politicians to employ the LAF in controversial missions, like securing the border with Syria or disarming Hezbollah, or the LAF’s ability to take on such missions. The aid program was not designed to accomplish these highly ambitious goals in the near term.”

This is not true – and Schenker knows it given his role in the Rumsfeld Pentagon. In fact, Brigadier General Mark Kimmitt told the Chicago Tribune in March 2006, after confirming an ongoing review: “We’re looking for stability. . . . An unstable Lebanon is a danger to itself, to its immediate neighbors and the region. This is part of our overall strategy.” He then asked, “The larger question is: Who is their enemy? Are they looking at Israel? Al-Qaeda? Syria? . . . In our minds, this is the army that sooner or later will have to stand up to the armed branch of Hezbollah.”

Shortly thereafter, amid ongoing hostilities during the July War (which, as we now know, we vigorously encouraged by the Bush administration as a means of destroying Hezbollah), one State Department spokesperson made the quid pro quo clear, on the record: if the LAF hoped for equipment, even spare parts, it would have to first focus on “using its military to keep Hizbullah in check,” he said. The point was underscored by U.S. officials later interviewed by International Crisis Group who “implied” that “the LAF must be trained and equipped to meet Hizbollah’s, not Israel’s, challenge.” Ironically, as Schenker also no doubt knows, the title for the original US assistance to the LAF in 2006-2007 was actually called “Restricting Hezbollah’s Operational Space.”

Of course, all of the US emphasis on building up the LAF to confront Hezbollah had real ramifications in the event that finally put an end to the whole adventure – May 2008 – when US officials realized that their effort to goad the army (and March 14) – to dangle the carrots of money and hardware – into a confrontation with Hezbollah was going to have disasterous effects. Schenker adds the “near term,” above, perhaps to hedge a bit, but he knows that the aid program was designed originally for a primary mission: having the LAF help, sooner better than later, in the mission of going after Hezbollah.

Third - “Consider that Syria, which devotes an estimated $6 billion per year to military expenditures, could not prevent Israel from destroying its nuclear facility in 2007–or from buzzing the presidential palace with its F-16s in 2006.” This is true, of course – but the argument implies that the LAF could never be reasonably built into a credible deterrent – which is wrong.

Emile has a helpful point on this score: “In the best of all worlds, we would have a serious defence review that would conclude that we need a military fashioned à la Hezbollah – special forces, light infantry, officers and NCOs that have a sense of initiative, good communication, anti-tank weaponry, good intelligence and reconnaissance assets, some helicopters, coastal radars, even air defence at some point – but hopefully without the thousands of rockets and missiles that Hezbollah deploys. Such a force would do a far better job at protecting Lebanon at a much cheaper cost, and the QME would not be an insurmountable problem.”

It may, as Aram at CSIS pointed out in 2009, cost $1 billion… but a credible deterrent can be built – all the more so since Hizbullah, as a model, is actually already serving as a key side in a (somewhat) credible (though awful and unsustainable) “balance of terror.” Allow the Lebanese state to buy SAM’s to protect population centers, allow it to create a national army along the lines of an asymmetrical conflict and allow an Arab state effort to gather funds for doing so (Aram and I both have proposals along the lines of a Paris-type conference).

Emile’s “best of all worlds” could go forward if the US got behind the vision instead of obstructing it – indeed, Hezbollah would be enormously hard pressed to resist such an effort, as well as the necessary follow through which would focus on ending the Shebaa issue and moving ahead with democratic reforms of the power structure. Of course, the LAF needs to be reformed in all this – but it can only happen in the context of a credible plan to bolster its capabilities to do what national armies should do instead of unelected militias – defend the whole, the entire country, from all threats, foreign and domestic.

The two approaches can and should proceed hand in hand with the ultimate aim of putting enough domestic political pressure on Hizbullah that it integrates fully under the authority of the state. The Obama administration, though, needs to decide: either stop the obstructions or vigorously assist in creating a real, democratic state in Lebanon that can finally protect all of its people. The time for a decision, sadly, seems to be running out.
wordpress stats

A reader, Emile Hokayem, contributes this commentary in response to recent discussions about U.S. military assistance. Emile is a non-resident fellow at the Stimson Center.

The starting point of any discussion on the LAF and its needs must begin with an honest assessment: it is a dysfunctional and inefficient organization that has no vision, no serious doctrine, no strong leadership, etc. And after its passive behavior during the Hezbollah takeover of May 2008, does anyone doubt that significant swaths of the population have trust issues with the Army? If anything, it is in the image of the country. The reality is one of an overstretched force, poor managerial and strategic skills at the top, inadequate equipment and training and perennial concerns about force cohesion.

Understandably, most Lebanese like to think otherwise because they need to hold on to something that unifies them and makes them proud and the LAF is that thing. But such emotions cannot be the starting point of a policy that aims at building up a serious military that can provide for the security of the country.

The Lebanese complain about US military assistance because complaining can be done at zero-cost and is politically expedient, but anyone who has any notion of defense reform and modernization, especially in weak countries like Lebanon, and has worked with the LAF knows that the US is a secondary problem. Of course, the US will continue to deny Lebanon high-tech weaponry and other cool toys we would love our soldiers to handle, but that is missing the real point.

Here is an analogy that could help:

It may be true that the QME (Qualitative Military Edge, the Pentagon’s fancy term for saying that it will not provide weaponry to Arab allies that would given them an edge over Israel) is a problem, but right now the LAF is a broken car, with a shaky steering wheel, windows that don’t go up or down, no reliable brakes, no possibility of speeding or slowing down at will, no ability to safely negotiate steep curves, only a functioning AC and nice leather seats in which an officer can sit and parade around in, and the QME is that big hole a hundred kilometers away.

A sense of perspective is in dire need here, lest we Lebanese want to continue making fools of ourselves.

Elias Muhanna says it is all about image, and he is right – we need to create the perception that the LAF is a competent and capable force so that the country has something to hold on to, and cool toys may do just that. But if is about that and just that, then let’s drop the pretense that we are having a serious discussion about defense modernization and let’s stop blaming the Americans for the support they are providing, however inadequate it may seem.

In the absence of a Lebanese national security strategy, a defense doctrine, a division of labor between LAF and ISF, a better chain of command, procurement, training and HR policies, reorganization of the force (do we really need mechanized brigades? can we pay engineers to fly Apaches? can we train Lebanese technicians to maintain the F16s we dream of?) etc, let’s be thankful that the Americans are helping us with mobility, communication, ammunition and training. No one else is doing it at this scale, albeit a modest one compared to the LAF needs. Could or has anyone else provided the kind of crucial help that the LAF needed during Nahr el-Bared?

The fundamental problem is that we are nowhere close to defining our defense strategy. Hezbollah does not want a serious discussion about its weapons, much less a defense strategy. It wants to set it, and enroll the LAF and the rest of the country in it. The Syrians don’t want it either. When they were occupying Lebanon, did they bother to turn the LAF into a better army or did they turn chunks of it into an instrument of domestic control? The IDF is happy with a heavy Lebanese military that can be bombed from the air and scared into not doing anything. The Lebanese officers want their army clubs and SUVs and benefits. The Lebanese MPs don’t even know the size and breakdown of the defense budget (all they have is the number of the MI officer in their region for some wasta). There is no professional civilian staff at Yarze.

In the best of all worlds, we would have a serious defense review that would conclude that we need a military fashioned à la Hezbollah – special forces, light infantry, officers and NCOs that have a sense of initiative, good communication, anti-tank weaponry, good intelligence and reconnaissance assets, some helicopters, coastal radars, even air defense at some point – but hopefully without the thousands of rockets and missiles that Hezbollah deploys. Such a force would do a far better job at protecting Lebanon at a much cheaper cost, and the QME would not be an insurmountable problem. But poking fun at the Americans, it seems, is too good a game to face reality.
wordpress stats

In an article published yesterday in Forbes, Washington Institute fellow and former Pentagon official David Schenker weighs recent critiques of America’s efforts to strengthen the Lebanese Armed Forces. He writes: “Many in Lebanon are concerned that U.S. weaponry enables the Lebanese Armed Forces (LAF) to defend the state neither from Israel nor from local al-Qaida affiliates.” Schenker’s response: the point of military aid is not to present some kind of a robust deterrence of the IDF but rather to help build up the LAF’s abilities to contain local threats to stability.

Andrew Exum made a similar point in an email to me this morning:

“I do not know of anyone in U.S. policy circles who thinks the LAF can be built up to ever stand up to even the Syrian Army – much less the IDF. As a CSIS report made clear, the LAF needs $1 billion investment just to address current deficiencies. Since the United States is not exactly awash in money these days, policy-makers have to think hard about how military assistance is spent. At the end of the day, U.S. policy-makers and the Lebanese just want two different things. Generals in the LAF wants a mechanized, air-land battle group capable of fighting the armies of nation-states. U.S. policy-makers desire a LAF trained and equipped to defeat insurgents and terrorist groups at home, which, honestly, is seen the likelier future threat environment than air-land battles between heavy armor divisions in the Biqaa` Valley. The two sides simply have competing visions of what is the best way to train and equip the LAF, and a military as badly in need of investment as the LAF has little room to pick and choose from the aid on offer.”

While I tend to agree with Exum and Schenker’s broader argument about the point of military aid, I also think that they’re not quite reading the Lebanese “critiques” so accurately. No one — especially not Hassan Nasrallah — really believes that the United States is actually going to consider outfitting the Lebanese Air Force with F-16s. What would be the point? They wouldn’t scramble to engage Israeli overflights, nor would they be used to secure Lebanon’s border with Syria. So what would be the purpose? Answer? Image, baby.

When Lebanese politicians complain about a lack of seriousness on America’s part to cough up military aid, it’s mostly just rhetoric. What Lebanon really needs is the unglamorous stuff: bullets, guns, humvees, helicopters. But we Lebanese like glamorous stuff. We are a glamorous people.

But don’t take my word for it. Lucky for you, the Qnion has gotten its hands on a secret transcript of Defense Minister Elias al-Murr’s meeting with Jeffrey Feltman, Assistant Secretary of State and former Ambassador to Lebanon. See for yourselves…

*

Murr: Jeffrey!

Feltman: Elias!

Murr: So good to see you! It’s been too long.

Feltman: Indeed it has. I miss Lebanon sooooo much. The food, the culture, the skiing and swimming on the same day. Fabulous.

Murr: Yeah. So, whaddaya got?

Feltman: It’s your lucky day. I’ve just gotten word from the Pentagon that we’ve been authorized to supply Lebanon with a small fleet of… are you ready for this?

Murr: Yes!

Feltman: Are you really ready? Cause it’s gonna be big!

Murr: I’m ready!

Feltman: You suuuuuuure??

Murr: Just tell me already!!

Feltman: Ok ok, keep your shirt on.  (Whipping out a picture of a small airplane from behind his desk) Ta-da!!!!! I give you, the Armed Caravan!

(A pause)

Feltman: Well, what do you think?!

Murr: You’ve got to be kidding me. This is a joke, right?

Feltman: What? No. Why?

Murr: An… Armed… Caravan?

Feltman: (looking hurt) Yeah? So?

Murr: What are we supposed to do with that thing? Deliver mana’eesh to our border patrols?

Feltman: Ha ha, well actually…

Murr: Take ministers on sightseeing tours?

Feltman: Ahem, I hardly think that’s…

Murr: Put out forest fires?

Feltman: Mr. Defense Minister. I’m sorry, but that’s the best that I can do. What were you hoping for?

Murr: (muttering) A few F-16s wouldn’t have killed you.

Feltman: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Murr glares at him)

Feltman: I’m sorry. That kind of just slipped out. But seriously, F-16s? Really? Let’s not kid ourselves.

Murr: I promise not to use them!

Feltman: Aww, that’s sweet. I know you won’t. But honestly, Lebanon really can’t afford them. And that’s an awful lot of money to spend on some planes that we won’t let you use.

Murr: Look, how about renting them to us?

Feltman: Ummm… excuse me?

Murr: Couple of days a year — Independence Day and Army Day. That’s all we really need. You can take them back for the rest of the year and we’ll pretend like we’ve got them hidden away someplace.

Feltman: Hmmm… that’s not a bad idea.

Murr: Because, honestly, Jeff… I can’t take this back to the President. I mean, it’s insulting. No offense.

Feltman: Mmm-hmmm.

Murr: It’s like, one day you’re driving an Alfa Romeo and the next day you’re in a Honda Civic or some shit. You gotta move up in the world, man. Wa law?

Feltman: I think I see what you mean. It’s like, right now you’re in a one-bedroom apartment in Hazmieh, and instead of moving into a pimp-ass crib on the Corniche, you’re moving back in with your parents in Baabdat or something.

Murr: Exaaaactly…

Feltman: Or, like, you’re partying in Gemmayze and what you really want is to get into Sky Bar, but I’m handing out passes to some busted-ass dive bar in Qoreitem or some shit.

Murr: Now you’re getting it.

Feltman: Ok, well I’ll see what the Pentagon has to say about it. In the meantime, shall we drop the Cessna offer?

Murr: (snatching the picture off Feltman’s desk) Nah, I’ll use it to fly me to Cyprus once a month for vacation.

Feltman: Well, it doesn’t quite fly that far.

Murr: What?

Feltman: I’m just messing with you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Murr: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Feltman: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Murr: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Feltman: Aw man… Good times.

Qnion-smallBy Qifa Nabki

wordpress stats

Lebanese President Michel Sleiman is in Washington today for an Oval Office ziyaara with President Barack Obama. Here’s what White House press secretary Robert Gibbs had to say about the visit:

“The president looks forward to consulting with President Sleiman on a broad range of issues of mutual concern, including efforts to strengthen the bilateral relationship between the United States and Lebanon, achieve a comprehensive regional peace and implement relevant UN Security Council resolutions.”

We’ll have more coverage here this evening, once the bilateral relationship has been strengthened, comprehensive regional peace has been achieved, and relevant UN Security Council resolutions have been implemented.

Until then, here’s AP’s pre-game commentary on the meet-up.

wordpress stats

Camouflage-print bandages.

BEIRUT, Lebanon — Ahead of a much-anticipated meeting between U.S. President Barack Obama and Lebanese President Michel Sleiman in Washington later this month, the Pentagon announced today that a major arms deal had been reached with Lebanon and that several millions of dollars worth of weapons and equipment would be delivered within weeks.

This marks the latest in a series of military aid packages from the United States to the troubled Middle Eastern nation, which are part of a long-term effort to bolster the capabilities of the Lebanese Armed Forces.

Pentagon spokesman Don Sheriff said that the United States was confident that this equipment would play a positive role in “securing Lebanon from various destabilizing forces,” adding that it was also a firm U.S. policy “to ensure that no weapons obtained from us end up in the wrong hands, to be used against our allies in the region.”

Mr. Sheriff reported that that the aid package “includes supplies for all of the armed forces. In addition to the Army, we’re committed to ramping up the capabilities of the Lebanese Navy and Air Force.”

Among the equipment destined for the Lebanese Navy, said Mr. Sheriff, was a decommissioned WWII vessel, the U.S.S. Tadpole, which had until recently been used for target practice by U.S. Navy gunners at NS Norfolk. The Tadpole will be rechristened the “Barracuda” when it takes its place as the flagship of the Lebanese Navy next month.

The U.S.S. Tadpole.

Mr. Sheriff said that the Navy’s aid package also included 300,000 life jackets, 55,000 kick boards, and 218,000 pairs of goggles.

The Lebanese Air Force — which is due to receive ten Russian MiG-29 jets early next year — will also be the beneficiary of American largesse. In a game of one upmanship reminiscent of the Cold War, the U.S. has promised to supply Lebanon with ten RC Firefly X2R’s. The Firefly, Mr. Sheriff explained, is a remote control aircraft with a range of 200 meters that can fly continuously for four minutes on a single charge. It was originally developed to be used for target practice by U.S. Special Forces sharpshooters.

“We personally think that the X2R’s will be much more useful to Lebanon than the MiG-29′s,” said Mr. Sheriff.

Lebanon’s soldiers are slated to receive the bulk of the aid shipment. In a move that will surely raise eyebrows in Tel Aviv, the U.S. has decided to supply Lebanon — for the first time in history — with an armored vehicle, a single ASPSCQ (Armored Self-Propelled Single-Cannon Quadracycle, known affectionately as “the Quad”). Built in Great Britain and dating back to the First World War, the Quad has spent the last seventy years in a military museum.

“We know that that we might catch some heat from some of our friends in the region, but we think that it’s the right thing to do,” said Mr. Sheriff, in response to a query from a reporter.

The Armored Self-Propelled Single-Cannon Quadracycle

In addition to the Quad, the Army’s aid package includes 250,000 crates of camouflage-print bandaids and 60,000 Super Soaker water guns.

Qnion-small

Reporting by Qifa Nabki

wordpress stats

Nawah Zoaiter, one of Lebanon's most powerful drug barons, is on the run from the authorities. Mitchell Prothero/The National

Nawah Zoaiter, one of Lebanon's most powerful drug barons, is on the run from the authorities. Mitchell Prothero/The National

Mitch Prothero has a must-read piece in The National about the fascinating intersections of drug trafficking, organized crime, and age-old tribal revenge politics in Lebanon’s Beqaa valley. Here’s a selection:

To illustrate the far-reaching influence of the families, the officer recounted a story that started 10 years ago when a member of the Internal Security Forces (ISF) working in Baalbak killed a member of the Jafaar family during a demonstration.

Fearing the Jafaar’s vengeance, the ISF immediately ordered the officer transferred to the Lebanese Embassy in Paris. A year later, Lebanese intelligence received a warning from their French counterparts that the Jafaar family had found the officer and the French were tracking a team of assassins who had arrived in Paris to kill him.

After recalling the man to Lebanon, changing his name and posting him to the police headquarters in the mostly Sunni city of Tripoli, where the Shiite Jafaar would have the least capability for revenge, people forgot about the case for a few years.

“The family later found out the man was working in the Serail in Tripoli and called in perhaps the only Jafaar family member with a job in the ISF,” the intelligence officer recalled. “The boy was ordered to demand a transfer to Tripoli or to find a way to visit the building. Once inside, he went to the office, calmly shot the officer to death and walked downstairs to be put in jail. I interrogated the boy, he didn’t want to do it. But his family and tribal pressure to avenge this death from years before was too much. He had no choice as a member of the Jafaar clan.”

I remember asking my eighty-two year old grandfather about all of the violence between the Beqaa clans and the army last spring. He thought for a moment and then replied: “When I was  a boy growing up in Deir al-Ahmar, the Jaafar and Zoaiter clans were always at each others throats. Somebody would get caught stealing sheep or there would be some kind of scandal, and they would immediately start shooting each other up. Nobody from the government ever dared to interfere.”

He paused, got a wistful look in his eyes, and then said: “Except, sometimes, someone would call for the men of our village to come down and break up the fighting. And so our men would walk down to the valley, with only rifles on their shoulders, in a single file straight into the village where the feud was taking place. They would walk right into the line of fire, and suddenly, the fight would end.”

Somebody needs to give the LAF a call and tell them to stop bothering with RPG’s, counter-intelligence, and body armor. Just give the boys from Deir al-Ahmar a call, and we could have all of this cleared up by dinnertime.
wordpress stats

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 120 other followers