As regular readers will attest, I’m something of a Lebanese political talk show junkie. Shows like Kalam al-Nas, Bi-Mawdu`iyyeh, al-Fasad, and others, in my view, do a much better job of derailing politicians off their talking points than most of their counterparts in the West.

In a country where the print media is largely ignored and has a marginal influence on  politics, getting your message across on these weekly TV programs is a vital piece of every political party’s strategy. As a result, what one usually gets  is a very lively debate between two politicians from rival parties.

Occasionally, it gets ugly. The clips below are some of my favorite rumbles from the past few years, in no particular order.

1. Mustapha Alloush and Fa’iz Shukur (Bi-Mawdu`iyyeh, November 14, 2011): This clip from today’s show reveals the head of Lebanon’s Baath Party getting physical with Mustapha Alloush, a prominent member of Saad al-Hariri’s Future Movement. (What is it with the tempers on these Baath officials? This clip brings to mind the harassment of a pharmacist by Mustapha al-Qawwas, the head of the Baath party in Saida, which was caught on tape a few months ago…)

2. `Uqab Saqr and Hassan Ya`qub (Kalam al-Nas, May 19, 2009): There’s plenty of shouting earlier in this segment, but the key bit is when Saqr calmly corrects Ya`qub’s own erroneous correction of Nicholas Fattoush’s quotation of a Qur’anic verse. Wonky? Sure. But it riled Ya`qub up enough that he (allegedly) threatened to kill Saqr after the show.

3. Ibrahim Kan`aan and Mosbah al-Ahdab (Kalam al-Nas, December 2006): This is a great showdown between two of the most vocal spokesmen of the FPM and March 14, respectively. It takes place not long after Hizbullah walked out of the Saniora cabinet in 2006. Tensions were running very high in the country, and it shows here. Marcel Ghanem has to end the show early to prevent fists from flying.

4. Rafiq Nasrallah vs. Carlos Edde (Kalam al-Nas, May 17, 2008): I don’t know whose bright idea it was to send Carlos Edde against Rafiq Nasrallah just ten days after the events of May 7 2008. Edde grew up abroad and pokes fun at his own linguistic inabilities while Nasrallah is a rhetorical master… No real sparring here but a smack down nonetheless. This is the kind of performance that gets the pro-resistance advocates’ hearts pumping.

5. `Uqab Saqr vs. Omar Bakri (Kalam al-Nas, May 5 2011): I could do a Top Ten of clips devoted only to Saqr — his mastery of this form at such a young age is truly bewildering — but this one is among the recent best. He debates the famous Islamist Omar Bakri shortly after Osama Bin Laden’s death, on the question of whether or not Bin Laden should be regarded as a Muslim hero.

Readers are encouraged to contribute links to their favorite smack downs in the comment section.
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Free Patriotic Movement leader General Michel Aoun went on Kalam al-Nas (the most widely-watched political talk show in Lebanon) last Thursday, and had a long conversation with Marcel Ghanem, the show’s famous host.

The entire interview is available on YouTube in ten-minute installments. You can catch the first one here, and then navigate to the subsequent bits in the sidebar.

Some of the more interesting sections:

Section 2: Discussion of the constitutionality of majority governments, and Ta’if vs. Doha.

Section 6: The defense strategy and Hezbollah’s weapons.

Section 7: The possibility of reform in the electricity sector.

Section 8: Rafiq Hariri’s assassination, and on who will succeed Aoun in the FPM, Christian politics, etc.

Section 10: Aoun explains the steps towards de-confessionalism (i.e. secularization).

Based on Aoun’s hints and allusions, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Free Patriotic Movement and the Future Movement announce a Memorandum of Understanding within the next couple of months.

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Hendrik Hertzberg, writing in last week’s New Yorker, describes a fascinating new populist initiative called Repair California, which aims to solve that state’s governance problems (legislative gridlock, huge budget deficits, bureaucratic inefficiencies) through a citizen-sponsored constitutional convention. Here are the salient bits of the article:

repaircalifornia“California, it turns out, is ungovernable. Its public schools, once the nation’s best, are now among the worst. Its transportation and water systems are deteriorating. Its prisons are so overcrowded that it has to turn tens of thousands of felons loose. And its legislature has spent most of the year in a farcical effort to pass the annual budget, leaving little or no time for other matters, such as—well, schools, transportation, water, and prisons. This is “normal”: the same thing has happened in eighteen of the past twenty-two years. But the addition of economic disaster to legislative paralysis may have brought California to a tipping point.”

One of California’s biggest problems, says Hertzberg, is that its legislature only controls about 7% of the state budget, assuming it can even muster the necessary two thirds majority to pass the budget in the first place. The state’s citizens have had enough, and change may be on the way:

“It started almost exactly one year ago, modestly enough, with an op-ed piece in the San Francisco Chronicle. Echoing Jefferson, the author, Jim Wunderman, wrote, “It is our duty to declare that our California government is not only broken, it has become destructive to our future. Therefore, are we not obligated to nullify our government and institute a new one?” He then called for a “citizens’ constitutional convention” to do the nullifying and the instituting… Wunderman’s op-ed manifesto engendered a broad response, and the response has engendered something like a movement.

That movement, called Repair California, is trying to put two initiatives on next year’s ballot. One would amend the California constitution to allow the voters to call a constitutional convention by initiative… The other would actually call the convention and specify its scope: governance, including the structure of the legislative and executive branches; elections, including the electoral system and the initiative process itself; the budget-making process; and the state’s revenue relationship with local government.

The genius of Repair California’s approach is twofold. First, it steers clear of “social issues”: no gay marriage, no abortion, no affirmative action. Second, the delegates would be chosen randomly from the adult population. (Appointed delegates, Repair California reasons, would be beholden to whoever appointed them; and if the delegates were elected, the elections would inevitably be low-turnout affairs dominated by money and the organized clout of special interests.) The convention itself would be an exercise in what is called “deliberative democracy.” The delegates would spend months studying the issues, consulting experts, debating among themselves, and forging a consensus. The result would be put to a vote of the people, yes or no, in November of 2012.”

Did anyone else get chills reading this? No? Well, neither did I, of course. That would be incredibly dorky. Ahem. But even if the hairs on the back of your neck didn’t rise out of sheer exhiliration, then surely the parallels between California’s governance problems and those of a certain country dear to all of our hearts jumped right out at you, didn’t they? Of course they did…

A Lebanese constitutional convention organized by citizens is certainly out of the question during our lifetimes, but I have an alternative proposal that is entirely more feasible: a reality TV show that applies the same principle of deliberative democracy by ordinary people to the Lebanese scene.

Some enterprising TV producer should create a weekly primetime reality show that tasks a group of ordinary Lebanese — men and women of different ages and regional/religious backgrounds — to “repair Lebanon”. Each hour-long episode would be dedicated to a single major issue — e.g. educational reform, health care, the electoral law, etc. — and would document the group’s efforts to come to consensus on the best way to “repair” the problem under consideration.

reality_tvGiven that these would be ordinary people from various professional backgrounds, the producers would have to bring in experts to “testify” before the group on what they regard to be the ideal solution for the problem at hand. The group would take all of these testimonies under consideration and deliberate together en route to making a final decision, which they would present at the end of each episode.

I imagine it being filmed in a kind of “guerilla style”: raw, unglossy, close to the action, as members of the group hit the streets to research the issues, meeting with politicians, business leaders, activist groups, and ordinary beleaguered citizens like themselves. It would also be interesting to watch the inevitable personality conflicts between group members bubble up through the arduous task of reaching consensus, which the producers could showcase through one-on-one interviews and lots of captured “candid” fights and arguments. (People at home love that stuff).

A variation on this theme could pit several groups against each other in a kind of weekly competition to come up with the best solution. At the end of each episode, viewers at home could vote for their choice via SMS, à la American Idol.

Now, I can already hear many of you snickering at how incredibly geeky this idea sounds, but trust me when I tell you that it would be a smash hit. After all, political talk shows are among the highest-rated TV programs in the country. If Lebanese all around the world can sit through several hours of Kalam al-Nass, al-Haq Yuqal, Nuqta Fasleh, Naharkon Sa`eed, Fakker Martein, Bi-kull Jar’a, and al-Fasad each week (not to mention the interminable weekly press conferences of their various leaders), then surely they could make room for an entertaining show about real people addressing real problems.

So what do you say? Any producers out there?

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So. Who else wants to try debating `Uqab Saqr on live television? No one? I thought not. Unless the opposition is willing to dig a lot deeper, I don’t think March 14th’s James Carville is going to see much action for a while.

Of all the political operatives on the Lebanese talk show circuit, Saqr gets my vote for being the most dynamic rhetorician of all. Whether or not one agrees with his positions, can anyone dispute that his delivery is impeccable? The command of the language, the proverbs that come tripping off the tongue, the ability to pick apart arguments without missing a beat…  all of this would be impressive in a political insider twice his age. As is, one can only imagine what Saqr’s skills will be like in another ten or fifteen years.

That is, if he’s still alive. Two nights ago, Saqr did battle with MP Hassan Yaaqoub on Marcel Ghanem’s talk show Kalam al-Nas, and Yaaqoub (according to Saqr) made several threats after the show, including one on his opponent’s life. Both men are running for the Shiite seat in Zahle; Yaaqoub is on the opposition’s list headed by Elias Skaff, while Saqr is with March 14th. If you’re at all interested in battleground districts (or if you get a thrill out of watching grown men hurl insults at each other for an hour on primetime TV), I recommend you watch the entire episode (it’s in eight parts on YouTube).

For those who’d rather just catch the highlight reel, here are some memorable clips:

1. `Uqab whips out Karim Pakradouni’s book (yes, he actually brought it with him to the show) in order to prove that Aoun made a deal with the Syrians before coming back to Lebanon. Saqr plays the role of the aggrieved former disciple to a tee; he’s fond of reminding people that he was a strong supporter of Aoun prior to his alliance with Syria.

2. `Uqab addresses the opposition’s argument about how the events of May 7th were a good thing because they led to the Doha Accord. Using that logic, he claims, one would have to conclude that the Lebanese Civil War was a good thing because it led to the Ta’if Accord. “They say that they prevented fitna. Why, what is fitna besides killing, and blood, and occupation? Fitna to prevent fitna, wow!”

3. Lots of shouting and hand waving in part 3.

4. The pièce de resistance: after Yaaqoub mockingly corrects the improper quotation of a Qur’anic verse (Q 49:6) by political opponent Nicholas Fattoush, Saqr swoops in to correct Yaacoub’s recitation as well (substituting the word an for the erroneous kay). For philology geeks like me, pedantic quibbling along these lines is more dramatic than televised cage fighting. (Catch the interchange from 6:00-7:15).

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aounMarcel Ghanem interviewed Michel Aoun last night on his popular talk show, Kalam al-Nas. The general was his regular fiery self, but plain were the signs of campaign fatigue: bags under the eyes, thinning hair, and a sallow complexion.

Marcel, meanwhile, was  in rare form, tugging at every loose thread and goading the FPM chief into one overblown pronouncement after another. Gone was the commanding presence of the would-be Bonaparte of Baabda, who once wiped the Cheshire Cat grin off Marcel’s face (if only for a nanosecond, alas) with his famous warning: rou2 3a sabri. Indeed, Aoun seemed a shadow of his former self. Even as he tried to convey a sense of optimism regarding his standing among Lebanon’s Christians, the look in his eyes seemed to suggest a slightly more desperate sentiment: “Pourvu que ça dure!”

The General probably needn’t worry, however, because his Christian opponents are feckless and divided, and because he himself has donned the mantle of a sectarian za’im as though it were an old bathrobe. The topics under discussion last night? Let’s see… Christians, Achrafieh, Christians, Syria, Hizbullah, Hariri Inc., and Christians. The Pope of the East confirmed once again that he is just as willing to dabble in sectarian scaremongering, as he hinted darkly at the Saracenic threat lurking in the next municipal elections. And while I take comfort in the fact that there are people on both sides of the political divide who as disturbed by this posture as I am (see two recent editorials by the Daily Star’s Michael Young and al-Akhbar editor Khaled Saghieh), ultimately, it seems that complaining about sectarianism in Lebanon is even more naive than not taking advantage of it.
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