Various pro-March 14 outlets are reporting that Michel Aoun is again derailing efforts to form a cabinet by changing his demands. Some are even suggesting that Aoun’s own allies are getting fed up, notably Marada chief Suleiman Frangieh who was “seemingly annoyed and surprised by… Aoun’s altering position.”
The Qnion has gotten its grubby little hands on the transcript of a secret meeting between Saad Hariri, Michel Aoun, and Suleiman Frangieh, in which the latter was made aware of the real cause behind his ally’s intransigence.
Saad Hariri: Good evening, gentlemen.
Suleiman Frangieh: Hello, Saad. Good to see you.
Michel Aoun: Hi.
Hariri: Well, I’ve invited you both here to present a proposal that I think will help us move on to the next stage. I’m prepared to offer the Change & Reform Bloc all the ministries you were requesting.
Frangieh: Wow! This is fantastic, Saad. I’m so glad that you’ve got the national interest in mind.
Aoun: (unimpressed) Whoopti-frickin’-do.
Hariri: And General, your son-in-law can be Telecommunications Minister, as you’d demanded.
Aoun: (yawning) Great.
Hariri: So are we good? Can we form the government?
Hariri: (feigning confusion) But why ever not, General?
Aoun: I have another demand.
Aoun: Yes. I also want the Ministry of the Economy.
Aoun: (eyeing Hariri suspiciously) And Public Works.
Hariri: No problem.
Aoun: (voice rising slightly) And the Ministry of the Interior.
Hariri: It’s yours.
Aoun: (now practically shouting) And Education and Foreign Affairs and Energy and Industry and Finance and Environment!
Hariri: Anything you like!
Frangieh: (deeply confused) Umm…excuse me.
Aoun: (standing on his chair) And… and all of them! I want them ALL!!!
Hariri: Help yourself! Can we form a government now?
Frangieh: What’s going on here?
Hariri: (quietly) Wait for it…
Aoun: (with a deranged look upon his face) And… and… just one more thing… I’d like to be President.
Hariri: (speaking sweetly) I’m sorry General. That’s the one thing I can’t give you. I wish I could, really I do. But it’s not in my power to do so.
Aoun: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (sobbing hysterically)
Hariri: (patting Aoun on the shoulder and smiling at Frangieh) There, there now.
Aoun: (banging his head on the table and weeping uncontrollably) My precious… it’s… mine… Why did they take you away from me…?
Frangieh: (on the phone to his press secretary) … talks are proceeding apace, although there seem to be a few clouds on the horizon, and the atmosphere is (looks at Aoun)… damp.