Various pro-March 14 outlets are reporting that Michel Aoun is again derailing efforts to form a cabinet by changing his demands. Some are even suggesting that Aoun’s own allies are getting fed up, notably Marada chief Suleiman Frangieh who was “seemingly annoyed and surprised by… Aoun’s altering position.”
The Qnion has gotten its grubby little hands on the transcript of a secret meeting between Saad Hariri, Michel Aoun, and Suleiman Frangieh, in which the latter was made aware of the real cause behind his ally’s intransigence.
**
Saad Hariri: Good evening, gentlemen.
Suleiman Frangieh: Hello, Saad. Good to see you.
Michel Aoun: Hi.
Hariri: Well, I’ve invited you both here to present a proposal that I think will help us move on to the next stage. I’m prepared to offer the Change & Reform Bloc all the ministries you were requesting.
Frangieh: Wow! This is fantastic, Saad. I’m so glad that you’ve got the national interest in mind.
Aoun: (unimpressed) Whoopti-frickin’-do.
Hariri: And General, your son-in-law can be Telecommunications Minister, as you’d demanded.
Aoun: (yawning) Great.
Hariri: So are we good? Can we form the government?
Aoun: Nope.
Hariri: (feigning confusion) But why ever not, General?
Aoun: I have another demand.
Hariri: Oh?
Aoun: Yes. I also want the Ministry of the Economy.
Hariri: Fine.
Aoun: (eyeing Hariri suspiciously) And Public Works.
Hariri: No problem.
Aoun: (voice rising slightly) And the Ministry of the Interior.
Hariri: It’s yours.
Aoun: (now practically shouting) And Education and Foreign Affairs and Energy and Industry and Finance and Environment!
Hariri: Anything you like!
Frangieh: (deeply confused) Umm…excuse me.
Aoun: (standing on his chair) And… and all of them! I want them ALL!!!
Hariri: Help yourself! Can we form a government now?
Frangieh: What’s going on here?
Hariri: (quietly) Wait for it…
Aoun: (with a deranged look upon his face) And… and… just one more thing… I’d like to be President.
Hariri: (speaking sweetly) I’m sorry General. That’s the one thing I can’t give you. I wish I could, really I do. But it’s not in my power to do so.
Aoun: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (sobbing hysterically)
Frangieh: General…
Hariri: (patting Aoun on the shoulder and smiling at Frangieh) There, there now.
Aoun: (banging his head on the table and weeping uncontrollably) My precious… it’s… mine… Why did they take you away from me…?
Frangieh: (on the phone to his press secretary) … talks are proceeding apace, although there seem to be a few clouds on the horizon, and the atmosphere is (looks at Aoun)… damp.
By Qifa Nabki
Qifa Nabki 
Hmm … this is alarming. Are you saying that Frangieh might be considering to perhaps follow Jumblatt’s lead and flipping to the other side? (… M14)
I mean, Hariri really sounded like a wise leader here. I was impressed too.
Posted by Alex | November 3, 2009, 3:46 pmFantastic as always Q, “My precious…”… lol
Posted by Haha | November 3, 2009, 5:28 pmWhoopti-frickin’-do!!
😀
Posted by Delirious | November 3, 2009, 8:24 pmThis is a little off topic. It is meant particularly for those Syrian commentators who think they know better.
The following link clearly shows that the Syrian regime continues to commit crimes against Lebanon and its people.
http://www.naharnet.com/domino/tn/NewsDesk.nsf/getstory?openform&21DFB2309EFFB79FC22576630059A2D0
I really wonder when will the Lebanese State declare Syria as an enemy State instead of so-called ‘sister’. With such ‘sisters’ as part of your ‘family’ do you really need enemies?
Aoun must be extremely happy having acknowledhed the ‘sisterhood’ of this diabolic neighbor. Did he not acknowldge there are no more Lebanese prisoners in Syria’s jails in return for a free tour of the Syrian wasteland? Imad Moustafa would certainly be proud of him – not to mention Hizb and the misguided among his so-called Christian followers. I never thought the Christians of Lebanon could be so easily deceived by such empty-headed demagogues.
Posted by mike | November 3, 2009, 10:03 pmTwo words @ 04h30 AM before work : THANK YOU !! 😆
Posted by Ekios | November 3, 2009, 11:37 pmfunny, but not true…
Mike, you wonder about the “Christians of Lebanon:, have you heard of the Lebanese of Lebanon? They’re those who consider sectarian labeling a form of racism. They’re also those who mend the socio-economic and cultural gap that left rural Lebanese areas in shambles, where frustrated, the people formed militias like Hezbollah. They’re the people who have Hezbollah sign an MOU that they will disarms, while Hariri-Saniora offer them a deal to keep their arms (what’s better than an Ottoman-style sectarian staus quo for a corrupt oil republic?). They’re the people who compel Saniora to import the mercenaries Fatah el Islam in 2007 to fabricate a civil war, that he just couldn’t get us, the Lebanese, to get into. They’re also the people not interested in middle-eastern style perpetual feuds with Syria or others, because only constructive thinking will lead to stability and progress. Don’t say this to saudi puppets though, it’s un-loyal to their most recent “sultan” of choice. That’s right, they’re a continuation, by the style with which they rule, of the ottoman times. You wouldn’t recognize the Lebanese of Lebanon, the patriots represented by General Aoun, because you only recognize sectarian casts. That is the real glitch between opposition and M14. M14 can’t be convinced to leave their comfy position in the cast system, to become equal to everyone else. You make me think of people of labeled Americans black and white before the civil rights movement of the 60’s. FPM is the Lebanese civil rights movement.
Posted by Hala | November 4, 2009, 1:08 amMike I think you are all too on topic! But really …
I read this poem by Mutanabbi who sums up what I would try and say:
We make ready our swords and our spears
And the Fates destroy us without a fight.
We bury each other, and the heads of those who came first,
Are trampled by the feet of those who came late.
Posted by deensharp | November 4, 2009, 6:01 amHala,
“FPM is the Lebanese civil rights movement.”
Tell that to the Palestinian population I think they may have a different opinion!
Why does the FPM insist that allowing Palestinians to live a decent life is Tawteen?
Posted by deensharp | November 4, 2009, 8:43 amSo, you (Hala) are saying that FPM is somehow similar to the American civil rights movement? And of course Aoun is MLK incarnate. I guess HN will be more like Elijah Muhammad in this case? No more Christian Lebanese according to you (or blacks as in your analogy).
I see your point. And that works well for Aoun’s demagoguery especially when there are such Lebanese like you who enjoy the thought of convincing themselves and others of being dispossessed and off-loading their ills on convenient scapegoats – with your wide imagination about civil right movements you should easily see that as a modern version of a Karbala style self flagellation. What’s more convenient than portraying the Syrian creation of Fatah el-Islam as a tool in the hands of those who are ‘seeking’ to dispossess the ‘poor blacks’ of Lebanon?
You know something? You just proved to me that the Christians of Lebanon are not misguided by Aoun after all. They are actually fools.
I am not going to label you Christian because I know from what you said that you are such an ‘enlightened Hezbo’ fan seeking to spread ‘enlightenment’ throughout the region. Who do you think you’re fooling? Fneish, Ezze-Din (Madof) or Qassim? Are we going to witness the next Ahoura held in Jounieh soon?
I’d rather go with Mutanabbi.
Posted by mike | November 4, 2009, 12:06 pmHala says:
“…They’re the people who compel Saniora to import the mercenaries Fatah el Islam in 2007 to fabricate a civil war, that he just couldn’t get us, the Lebanese, to get into.”
Wow. Really? Can you entertain us about Shaker el Absi and his trek to Lebanon and basing himself in Nahr el bared off course after taking over the “existing” palestian partisans??? Please enlighten us when Mr. Hassan Nassrallah declared Nahr El Bared as a RED LINE for the Lebanese army…
Finish your fiction movie about conspiracy theories and we will all watch it.
I’ll go with Mutanabbi too.
Posted by danny | November 4, 2009, 12:50 pm“and the atmosphere is (looks at Aoun)… damp”
can’t stop laughing.
hehe
Posted by babagannouj | November 4, 2009, 1:31 pmHala, I don’t think that QN is arguing about where the FPM stands with regards to the issues that you brought up, but rather with the political maneuvers undertaken by the FPM and Aoun.
I mean the opposition did loose the elections, so why the stubbornness in demanding so many key governmental posts? FPMers would respond that “change” has to start someplace, and the more ministerial posts they can get under their umbrella, the better chance they have at pursuing their reforms. But I don’t believe that they would be able to achieve anything (be it true “change and reform” or just a shift of power and corruption) without being the majority in the government. Staying out of government, practicing a true and proper opposition, and prepping up for the next elections would be a better option in my opinion.
Hala, mike, or danny: if any of you has an undeniable conclusive proof of who is behind Fateh el Islam, please share it with us. We’ld love to know about it.
@mike: What’s so wrong with Achoura being held in Jounieh, or Palm Sunday (shaanineh) being held in the southern suburbs? Oh by the way, I’m not Syrian, I’m human, flesh and bones, you can reply to me!
Posted by mas | November 4, 2009, 3:15 pm