(The scene: a Beirut cafe)
Abu Michel: Says here in as-Safir that the next Israel-Lebanon war is gonna happen next April.
Abu Samir: You still read that rag? An-Nahar says that the war is gonna be sooner than that. January, February, maximum.
Abu Michel: Impossible.
Abu Samir: Suit yourself.
Abu Michel: The Israelis won’t attack in the winter. A winter campaign would be a nightmare for them. Low cloud cover makes flying conditions bad, and their soldiers will be disoriented in our valleys and mountains when they’re surrounded by fog.
Abu Samir: You think they’re going to care what they bomb, next time around? They’re going to bomb the entire country indiscriminately, from top to bottom, cloud cover or not. Once they’re done with that, they’ll send in their sissy soldiers.
Abu Michel: They wouldn’t dare bomb the entire country. Hezbollah will bomb Tel Aviv and Dimona.
Abu Samir: As per Iran’s instructions?
Abu Michel: Funny. What is March 14 doing about defending us from Israeli aggression?
Abu Samir: We just got Russia to donate 10 MiG 29’s.
Abu Michel: Ha! You think ten busted Russian jets are going to deter the Israelis?!
Abu Samir: You think a bunch of Katyushas are?!
(silence)
Abu Michel: (whispering conspiratorially) Look… at the end of the day, the resistance’s weapons are meant to prevent the worst possible scenario: naturalization of the Palestinians.
Abu Samir: Of course. What do you think the MiG’s are for?
Abu Michel: Of course, of course.
Abu Samir: Pass the sugar, will you?
**
Thanks are due to the talented Maya Zankoul, who agreed to illustrate what I hope will turn into a new series on this blog.
Qifa Nabki 
News of the MIG donation came out a year ago. Did they just get delivered now?
Posted by Blackstar | November 18, 2009, 10:25 amYes. As far as I know.
Posted by Qifa Nabki | November 18, 2009, 10:52 amWhen a civilized people wage war against human decency , human rights and social justice then they loose the right to call themselves civilized. Unfortunately that is the sad state of affairs in which the Lebanese politicians; across the spectrum; are mired. It is equally frustrating when the Lebanese citizens; as usual; follow blindly the pronouncements of their Zua’ma.
If one is to agree with the strange logic that denying the Palestinians the rights to naturalization is pursued for the sake of the Palestinian cause then how about offering the Palestinian refugees in the camps the right to everything else short of voting. After all they have been living in these hovels for over sixty years. Haven’t we shown them enough brotherly love and solidarity already by insisting that they be treated as sub humans? We ought to be ashamed of ourselves for all the attempts over the years to deny our neighbours and brothers their humanity. What we have done is nothing short of subjecting these innocent civilians to another Nakba.
Posted by Ghassan Karam | November 18, 2009, 11:30 amThe Migs are a white elephant if there ever was one. Just keeping those planes flying will cost Lebanon an arm and a leg.
Posted by AIG | November 18, 2009, 11:43 amExcellent post. Looking forward to your new series!
(I finally got myself to write something on the cabinet formation process if u’re still interested)
Posted by worriedlebanese | November 18, 2009, 12:26 pmQN,
Brilliant…
But I do not believe that you’ve actually committed the ultimate sin: declaring the real purpose of the ‘resistance weapons’ to be other than the liberation of occupied land and the reclamation of Holy Jerusalem. (Of course that is what your fake character said, not you personally.)
Whereas you may gain the approval of ‘Hassan the Clever’, you may incur the enmity and wrath of “Naim the Holy Warrior’. So watch out until it becomes clear who is calling the shots. You’re treading on murky waters as it is very, very murky at the moment over at ‘Secure Squares’ (or should we say SS?).
Notice how cleverly AIG is trying to veer the discussion back towards economics and finance.
Posted by mike | November 18, 2009, 12:34 pmCan someone explain to me why the worst possible scenario is the naturalization of the Palestinians?
Posted by Akbar Palace | November 18, 2009, 1:34 pm“Can someone explain to me why the worst possible scenario is the naturalization of the Palestinians?”
It shouldn’t be very difficult to figure out. It is as bad as it would be for the implanted ‘Jewish Israel’ to give the Palestinians their natural rights to their homeland in historic Palestine. Just do the demographic math. It is not that complicated.
Posted by mike | November 18, 2009, 1:52 pmMike states:
It is as bad as it would be for the implanted ‘Jewish Israel’ to give the Palestinians their natural rights to their homeland in historic Palestine.
First of all, today, now, and as we speak, Israeli-Arabs (aka “Palestinians”) have their “natural rights” intact.
Secondly, are you saying a naturalized Palestinian is “bad” for Lebanon?? How so?
Israel, of course, is trying to maintain a Jewish State. What’s Lebanon’s excuse?
Just do the demographic math.
OK:
Israel: Jews-80%, Arabs-20%
Lebanon: Jews-0%, Arabs-100%
It is not that complicated.
Maybe for you.;)
Posted by Akbar Palace | November 18, 2009, 2:06 pmAkbar Palace,
No use arguing with you. Your argument is circular. Historic Palestine includes all the Arabs of what you call Israel, plus Arabs of the West Bank and Gaza plus the Palestinians of the Diaspora.
Do these Arabs have access to their natural rights in this piece of land of Historic Palestine?
You only need to answer if you recognize what Historic Palestine is? Otherwise there is no need to repeat yourself?
But you could still figure out for yourself the answer to your original question: why naturalizing the Palestinians in Lebanon is the worst scenario? Go through the simple thought experiment of recognizing Historic Palestine and try to reconcile the outcome with an implanted ‘Jewish Israel’. That was the purpose of my previous response to you.
Posted by mike | November 18, 2009, 2:24 pmYour argument is circular.
Mike,
I’ve always understood about what “historic Palestine”, the West Bank, Gaza, natural rights (which Palestinians in Lebanon do not have), demographics, etc., are.
So I suppose a “circular argument” card is just the standard cop-out when someone asks a question you are too uncomfortable answering. Namely, why naturalizing a Palestinian living in Lebanon is “bad” (using your own words).
Posted by Akbar Palace | November 18, 2009, 2:50 pmAP et al
A post on the subject of naturalization is in the works (it has been for a while).
But briefly, the arguments adduced against naturalization are typically: (1) Lebanon’s fragile sectarian power-sharing scheme cannot handle the influx of hundreds of thousands of (mostly) Sunni Palestinians; (2) Lebanon’s fragile infrastructure and polarized sectarian society cannot handle the influx… etc. (3) Israel should be responsible for compensating the refugees for their loss.
Those are usually the main arguments. As fractious as Lebanon is, there is consensus on this issue, at least among most Christians and Shiites.
Posted by Qifa Nabki | November 18, 2009, 2:56 pmThanks for the help QN. I was trying to give AP a small lesson in math because he so badly screwed up the figures in his previous post. I think he should understand now. At least I hope…
Posted by mike | November 18, 2009, 3:03 pmIsrael has no opinion whatsoever in the naturalization issue in Lebanon. It is for the Lebanese to decide.
The Palestinians are not returning to Israel anyway (except literally over our dead bodies), so what does their status in Lebanon matter to Israel???
Posted by AIG | November 18, 2009, 3:59 pm…cannot handle the influx…
QN,
Appreciate your efforts. I see the key phrase is “cannot handle the influx”.
So, all I can do is scratch my head and wonder about an “influx” that is already several decades in the past.
Sorry for being caught in such a time-warp. Obviously I don’t speak the local language…
Posted by Akbar Palace | November 18, 2009, 4:02 pmAP
It sounds strange, but there would remain an influx of sorts, because the Palestinians in Lebanon are almost completely dependent on UNRWA. Deprived of civil and social rights and forbidden from working in something like 70 trades, they don’t really place a burden on the existing infrastructure.
This, at least, is the argument.
Posted by Qifa Nabki | November 18, 2009, 4:24 pmIsrael has no opinion whatsoever in the naturalization issue in Lebanon.
AIG –
I was merely curious as to why a fictional Lebanese cafe patron would state the following:
Abu Michel: (whispering conspiratorially) Look… at the end of the day, the resistance’s weapons are meant to prevent the worst possible scenario: naturalization of the Palestinians.
C’est tout.
Posted by Akbar Palace | November 18, 2009, 4:28 pmQN,
I’ll be awaiting your post on naturalization of palestinians in Lebanon. I’d like to know the opinion of someone as enlightened and well-read as you. The typical arguments are usually made by senile chauvinists (Batrak Sfeir, or Nehmatallah Abi Nasr) people who have no problem at all if the naturalized palestinian happened to be christian but get all worked up when he’s muslim.
Posted by haytham | November 18, 2009, 4:35 pmHaytham, I think the issues QN is raising are much deeper than what you perceive as senile chauvenists think or say. So do not get yourself worked up on such side irrelevant issues.
Posted by mike | November 18, 2009, 4:43 pmQN said:
” the arguments adduced against naturalization are typically: (1) Lebanon’s fragile sectarian power-sharing scheme cannot handle the influx of hundreds of thousands of (mostly) Sunni Palestinians; (2) Lebanon’s fragile infrastructure and polarized sectarian society cannot handle the influx… etc. (3) Israel should be responsible for compensating the refugees for their loss.
Those are usually the main arguments. As fractious as Lebanon is, there is consensus on this issue, at least among most Christians and Shiites.”
I do not mean to preempt your upcoming post but I do hope that it does not rest at stating the status quo. We knoe why the Lebanese powers to be are opposed to naturalization but the real issue is whether their reasoning is acceptable? Yes at one point slavery was prevalent and practitioners had strong rationale for maintaining; obviously a wrong rationale.
Posted by ghassan karam | November 18, 2009, 4:51 pmGhassan,
Don’t worry. 😉
I’ll be the sacrificial lamb on this one.
Posted by Qifa Nabki | November 18, 2009, 4:59 pmWell done on the post and the discussion here. This blog’s a keeper.
Posted by Yonatan | November 18, 2009, 5:29 pmActually, the fact that tawteen has never been much of an issue when it comes to Christians is very relevant to the discussion.
Perhaps I wasn’t paying attention, but I was a little surprised at how anti-tawteen discourse played such a prominent role in Hezbollah’s election campaign last spring.
At least they agree with the Kata’eb and the LF on one thing…
Posted by sean | November 18, 2009, 5:51 pmhehehee…you guys make me laugh.. politics will lead us nowhere… palestinians should be accepted as one of us since bothways they live here… they are more lebanese than we are… all WE do is chose a side a blindly follow it like sheep…. we are a disgrace to humanity…and yet we keep believing that we are god’s gift to earth.. funny… awsome comic btw…keep it up!
Posted by Ramzi | November 18, 2009, 10:00 pmQN- you better have a clear opinion we don’t want to hear the “academic stuff” take a real stand on this issue because we are all out for QN blood
AP- it’s very simple the Lebanese view the naturalization of Palestinians as a conspiracy by the rest of the world against them so fighting against or preventing this conspiracy became a measure of patriotism for the Christian Lebanese and a measure of Arab nationalism and now Islamic fundamentalism for the Muslim Lebanese
But in essence refusing to make the Palestinians citizens is nothing but a reflection of how racist and backward the Lebanese and Arabs in general are
Posted by V | November 19, 2009, 12:23 amI’m buying a first row ticket for the upcoming battle. I promise to pay with participations. Can’t wait.
Posted by mj | November 19, 2009, 4:22 amSean said: “Actually, the fact that tawteen has never been much of an issue when it comes to Christians is very relevant to the discussion.
Perhaps I wasn’t paying attention, but I was a little surprised at how anti-tawteen discourse played such a prominent role in Hezbollah’s election campaign last spring”. Sean, is that really you? Could you be THAT distracted?
Posted by mj | November 19, 2009, 4:25 amIt is sad to see all the Lebanese who oppose naturalizaion of the palestinians most of whom were born in Lebanon, whereby those same Lebanese after a few years of living in Europe or Canada claim naturalization!
Posted by Walid | November 19, 2009, 9:01 amMJ: Well, I always knew that the sentiment was there, but I was surprised to see it displayed so prominently in Hezbollah’s electoral campaign.
Posted by sean | November 19, 2009, 5:11 pmThe recent interception of a ship carrying five hundred tons of weapons believed to be from Iran and earmarked to Hezbollah underscores the already obvious truth that Iran supports terrorism, is a destabilizing force in the Middle East, and counters American interests in the region.
http://lfacc.wordpress.com/2009/11/14/iran-arms-hezbollah/
Posted by GHcool | November 22, 2009, 8:43 pm