(The scene: a Beirut cafe)
Abu Michel: Says here in as-Safir that the next Israel-Lebanon war is gonna happen next April.
Abu Samir: You still read that rag? An-Nahar says that the war is gonna be sooner than that. January, February, maximum.
Abu Michel: Impossible.
Abu Samir: Suit yourself.
Abu Michel: The Israelis won’t attack in the winter. A winter campaign would be a nightmare for them. Low cloud cover makes flying conditions bad, and their soldiers will be disoriented in our valleys and mountains when they’re surrounded by fog.
Abu Samir: You think they’re going to care what they bomb, next time around? They’re going to bomb the entire country indiscriminately, from top to bottom, cloud cover or not. Once they’re done with that, they’ll send in their sissy soldiers.
Abu Michel: They wouldn’t dare bomb the entire country. Hezbollah will bomb Tel Aviv and Dimona.
Abu Samir: As per Iran’s instructions?
Abu Michel: Funny. What is March 14 doing about defending us from Israeli aggression?
Abu Samir: We just got Russia to donate 10 MiG 29’s.
Abu Michel: Ha! You think ten busted Russian jets are going to deter the Israelis?!
Abu Samir: You think a bunch of Katyushas are?!
Abu Michel: (whispering conspiratorially) Look… at the end of the day, the resistance’s weapons are meant to prevent the worst possible scenario: naturalization of the Palestinians.
Abu Samir: Of course. What do you think the MiG’s are for?
Abu Michel: Of course, of course.
Abu Samir: Pass the sugar, will you?
Thanks are due to the talented Maya Zankoul, who agreed to illustrate what I hope will turn into a new series on this blog.