I’m so pleased that Prime Minister-designate Saad Hariri has one hand on the wheel and the other firmly on the emergency brake, because this whole cabinet formation process is going a little too quickly for my taste. I mean, it’s only been two months since the election. What’s the big rush?
Interrupting the poor man while he was enjoying a well-earned vacation to make him come home and form a government is just… Well, it’s just wrong, that’s what it is.
The Qnion has just gotten its hands on a top secret transcript of a phone call between PM-to-be Hariri and his housekeeping staff while he was still on vacation. It sheds significant light on the straw that eventually broke the camel’s back.
**
(The sound of a phone ringing)
Maid: Hello?
Hariri: Hello Sunetra.
Maid: Oh, hello Mr. Saad! How are you?
Hariri: Fine, fine. How is everything at home?
Maid: Yes, fine, sir. Everything fine. How EuroDisney?
Hariri: Great.
Maid: You see Mickey Mouse?
Hariri: Yes, yes.
Maid: Donald Duck?
Hariri: Yup.
Maid: And Goofy? He your favorite!
Hariri: He sure is. Are there any messages?
Maid: Yes sir. Mr Jumblatt, he call. He say… (she rifles through some post-it notes)… “I leaving March 14. Good luck.”
Hariri: (bored) Uh huh. Anything else?
Maid: Yes, Mr. Geagea, he call. He say, “We have problem. Call me ASAP.”
Hariri: Ok, no biggie. What else?
Maid: Ah, yes sir. Mr. Gemayel, he call and he say: “Where the hell are you, you crazy son of a… oh my! Sir, he use very bad word!”
Hariri: (yawning) Huh? Oh, yes… ahem. Is that all?
Maid: No, sir. One more. Mr Suleiman Frangieh, he call. He say he beat your high score on Nintendo Mario Kart Wii.
Hariri: (jolted awake) Wait, what?
Maid: He say he beat your high score on…
Hariri: (angry) You’re freaking kidding me!
Maid: Umm, no sir.
Hariri: I’ll be home tomorrow. Have the cars meet me at the airport at 9pm sharp!
Maid: Yes sir!
Qifa Nabki 
Beautifully rendered. Might SF not have invoked ras al af’aa? And how’d you master kitchenspeak – didn’t you bring a Sommervile domestic back to the homeland?
Grimly repetitive atmosphere prevails here in recent weeks. Maybe your resident Israelis and (diasporic?) LBs can agree to an indecisive cricket test series on neutral turf? Hell, for instance?
Posted by J of Chalcedon | August 11, 2009, 8:11 pmlol… kitchenspeak is one of my many useless talents.
What say you, AIG, and QMarx? May the best man win?
Posted by Qifa Nabki | August 11, 2009, 8:21 pmOh QN if only it was longer!
Posted by the Sydneysider | August 11, 2009, 8:24 pmFor my first participation on this blog, I just wish to test that my selected not so fancy avatar has been displayed, thank you.
Posted by Badr | August 12, 2009, 5:00 amIt’s my first time on your blog! It’s really great!
And this post is soooooooo hilarious 😀 😀
Keep it up!!
Posted by maya zankoul | August 25, 2009, 7:23 amI don’t know what your goal was here, if it was to make Hariri look bad or not, I found it humorous and cute and honestly made me like the man more than I had before. I’ve reread this story ten times now.
Posted by kay | October 7, 2009, 3:45 amKAY….My darling, I can’t get enough of your love babe
Girl, I don’t know, I don’t know why
Can’t get enough of your love babe
Oh, some things I can’t get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more you give, the more I want
And baby, that’s no lie
Oh no, babe
🙂
Posted by Hariri | October 8, 2009, 12:25 am