I’m so pleased that Prime Minister-designate Saad Hariri has one hand on the wheel and the other firmly on the emergency brake, because this whole cabinet formation process is going a little too quickly for my taste. I mean, it’s only been two months since the election. What’s the big rush?
Interrupting the poor man while he was enjoying a well-earned vacation to make him come home and form a government is just… Well, it’s just wrong, that’s what it is.
The Qnion has just gotten its hands on a top secret transcript of a phone call between PM-to-be Hariri and his housekeeping staff while he was still on vacation. It sheds significant light on the straw that eventually broke the camel’s back.
(The sound of a phone ringing)
Hariri: Hello Sunetra.
Maid: Oh, hello Mr. Saad! How are you?
Hariri: Fine, fine. How is everything at home?
Maid: Yes, fine, sir. Everything fine. How EuroDisney?
Maid: You see Mickey Mouse?
Hariri: Yes, yes.
Maid: Donald Duck?
Maid: And Goofy? He your favorite!
Hariri: He sure is. Are there any messages?
Maid: Yes sir. Mr Jumblatt, he call. He say… (she rifles through some post-it notes)… “I leaving March 14. Good luck.”
Hariri: (bored) Uh huh. Anything else?
Maid: Yes, Mr. Geagea, he call. He say, “We have problem. Call me ASAP.”
Hariri: Ok, no biggie. What else?
Maid: Ah, yes sir. Mr. Gemayel, he call and he say: “Where the hell are you, you crazy son of a… oh my! Sir, he use very bad word!”
Hariri: (yawning) Huh? Oh, yes… ahem. Is that all?
Maid: No, sir. One more. Mr Suleiman Frangieh, he call. He say he beat your high score on Nintendo Mario Kart Wii.
Hariri: (jolted awake) Wait, what?
Maid: He say he beat your high score on…
Hariri: (angry) You’re freaking kidding me!
Maid: Umm, no sir.
Hariri: I’ll be home tomorrow. Have the cars meet me at the airport at 9pm sharp!
Maid: Yes sir!