Lebanon, The Qnion

Israeli Spy Parachutes Invade Sky Above South Lebanon

martiansNo, this is not a Qnion headline. There is apparently so little happening in Lebanon these days that Naharnet has decided to investigate an invasion of Israeli spy parachutes. Here’s the report:

Parachute-like objects lit up the sky above southern Lebanon overnight in what appeared to be a new Israeli spy method.

Security reports said a “shining object” resembling a gas cylinder fell over the southern village of Nmaireh around 10:30pm Monday and another over Zafta in the Nabatiyeh province.

Security forces rushed to the scene and went straight into on a fact-finding mission to find out the truth about these objects.

The daily An-Nahar on Tuesday described the parachute-like objects as a “new kind of Israeli espionage war on Lebanon.”

It said Israel has been recently dropping these objects over the mountainous terrain of southern Lebanon and near residential houses.

Al-Akhbar newspaper, however, quoted local sources as saying the object over Zafta was likely a meteor that fell from the sky or an Israeli parachute or even a spy device.

But security sources said the object could be an “explosive arrow” that was shot from a nearby location.

So, just to be clear… is it raining meteors, gas cylinders, parachutes, explosive arrows, or spy satellites?

Determined to shed light on this issue, we dispatched two of The Qnion’s crack investigative reporters — Jacob Tafnis and Bala Manyakeh — down to the southern village of Abu Tanjara to interview some eyewitnesses. The village mayor, Muhsin Ayyach, was one of several people to get a close look at the object.

“It was about ten meters across, shaped like a huge saucer. And there were many flashing lights,” said Ayyach, pointing in the direction of the field where the strange object landed.

“My brother and I got our Kalashnikovs and then walked up to it carefully. When we were about fifteen meters away, a door opened up and three little green men walked out. One of them walked right up to us and said something like: ‘Take me to your leader.’ That was when I was sure that he was an Israeli.”

Muhsin’s brother, Bilal, confirmed the story. “We didn’t know what to do, so we just started firing our guns. But the bullets didn’t seem to hurt the little green men. They were protected by some kind of… how do you call it? Force field?”

When the brothers Ayyach were questioned by the security forces, they were asked whether they believed it was possible that the little green men could have been extraterrestrials.

“No way,” said Muhsin. “They may have looked like Martians, but they were definitely Israelis.”Qnion-small
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Discussion

16 thoughts on “Israeli Spy Parachutes Invade Sky Above South Lebanon

  1. its great to have a laugh in the morning 🙂 thank you

    Posted by Liliane | July 8, 2009, 1:58 am
  2. Maybe the martians were disguised in Israelis? But i am sure they came to Lebanon, because Lubnan AHla!!!

    Posted by Leila Jisr | July 8, 2009, 2:35 am
  3. Certainly, there are much happening in Lebanon these days contrary to what is apparent.
    As the saying goes “Still water runs deep”.
    Few individuals have never had so many sleepless nights as they are having these days.

    Posted by i.e. Lubnan | July 8, 2009, 4:34 am
  4. ahaha was having this exact thought when i read the article last night.

    i kind of think this would make a great movie. full scale alien invasion, but the lebanese are convinced till the end that it’s the israelis…

    Posted by c | July 8, 2009, 5:50 am
  5. Great humour…It seems Lebanese citizens have an active imagination…Hope it keeps them away from noticing ‘other” aliens…

    Posted by danny | July 8, 2009, 8:50 am
  6. looool the story reminded me of the green balloon scare of early 2007. nice reporting 😀

    Posted by adiamondinsunlight | July 8, 2009, 9:52 am
  7. I have inside information that Israel is organizing a new militia called “the little green cedars” to combat Hizballah in the south.

    Posted by AIG | July 8, 2009, 12:48 pm
  8. If anything, it shows how bored the people at Naharnet are. One of the worst pieces of journalistic work I’ve seen in a while (and I live in Dubai).

    So did it come parachuting in or did it fall like a rock? You’d think they be able to explain that bit at least.

    Posted by Jad Aoun | July 8, 2009, 2:25 pm
  9. I can only imagine the aliens” confusion at trying to apply the concept of “leader” to Lebanon….

    Posted by Rex Brynen | July 8, 2009, 9:17 pm
  10. “They may have looked like Martians, but they
    were definitely Israelis.”

    Priceless – thank you!

    Posted by israelimom | July 9, 2009, 3:18 am
  11. haha3

    Posted by samah | July 9, 2009, 7:04 am
  12. Well, this time I’m not going to fall for it. This time, I do INDEED believe that the little green Martians were none other than… my two little girls, and a friend from kindergarten. They always like to dress up, and the other day I heard them playing upstairs when suddenly… And next thing I know, they’re in Lebanon.

    Could someone please ask them to call Daddy? 🙂

    Posted by Shai | July 9, 2009, 3:53 pm
  13. I think these martians were looking for Jumblat & Aoun. They had some GPS difficulties and landed a bit south of their intended destinations. Hence, they quickly aborted their mission for the time being.

    But, they’ll be baaack!!!

    Posted by Ras Beirut | July 9, 2009, 10:30 pm
  14. In that case, I’m predicting that:

    1) Cellphone video will soon surface of Jumblat denigrating his allies to a room full of little green men.

    2) Aoun will, in a fit of temper, throw something at them, and start railing against the threat of Martian tawteen…

    Posted by Rex Brynen | July 10, 2009, 1:32 pm
  15. Damn Jews! They have enlisted the help of Space Aliens! Fiendishly clever, they are. What will they think of next?

    Posted by Chaim Weitzman, Jr. | November 22, 2010, 4:57 am
  16. Chaim, Chaim, you realize QNion-labeled posts are parodies, don’t you?

    Posted by Honest Patriot | November 22, 2010, 9:51 am

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