Hezbollah, Israel, Lebanon, The Qnion

U.S. Approves Massive Arms Shipment to Lebanon

Camouflage-print bandages.

BEIRUT, Lebanon — Ahead of a much-anticipated meeting between U.S. President Barack Obama and Lebanese President Michel Sleiman in Washington later this month, the Pentagon announced today that a major arms deal had been reached with Lebanon and that several millions of dollars worth of weapons and equipment would be delivered within weeks.

This marks the latest in a series of military aid packages from the United States to the troubled Middle Eastern nation, which are part of a long-term effort to bolster the capabilities of the Lebanese Armed Forces.

Pentagon spokesman Don Sheriff said that the United States was confident that this equipment would play a positive role in “securing Lebanon from various destabilizing forces,” adding that it was also a firm U.S. policy “to ensure that no weapons obtained from us end up in the wrong hands, to be used against our allies in the region.”

Mr. Sheriff reported that that the aid package “includes supplies for all of the armed forces. In addition to the Army, we’re committed to ramping up the capabilities of the Lebanese Navy and Air Force.”

Among the equipment destined for the Lebanese Navy, said Mr. Sheriff, was a decommissioned WWII vessel, the U.S.S. Tadpole, which had until recently been used for target practice by U.S. Navy gunners at NS Norfolk. The Tadpole will be rechristened the “Barracuda” when it takes its place as the flagship of the Lebanese Navy next month.

The U.S.S. Tadpole.

Mr. Sheriff said that the Navy’s aid package also included 300,000 life jackets, 55,000 kick boards, and 218,000 pairs of goggles.

The Lebanese Air Force — which is due to receive ten Russian MiG-29 jets early next year — will also be the beneficiary of American largesse. In a game of one upmanship reminiscent of the Cold War, the U.S. has promised to supply Lebanon with ten RC Firefly X2R’s. The Firefly, Mr. Sheriff explained, is a remote control aircraft with a range of 200 meters that can fly continuously for four minutes on a single charge. It was originally developed to be used for target practice by U.S. Special Forces sharpshooters.

“We personally think that the X2R’s will be much more useful to Lebanon than the MiG-29’s,” said Mr. Sheriff.

Lebanon’s soldiers are slated to receive the bulk of the aid shipment. In a move that will surely raise eyebrows in Tel Aviv, the U.S. has decided to supply Lebanon — for the first time in history — with an armored vehicle, a single ASPSCQ (Armored Self-Propelled Single-Cannon Quadracycle, known affectionately as “the Quad”). Built in Great Britain and dating back to the First World War, the Quad has spent the last seventy years in a military museum.

“We know that that we might catch some heat from some of our friends in the region, but we think that it’s the right thing to do,” said Mr. Sheriff, in response to a query from a reporter.

The Armored Self-Propelled Single-Cannon Quadracycle

In addition to the Quad, the Army’s aid package includes 250,000 crates of camouflage-print bandaids and 60,000 Super Soaker water guns.


Reporting by Qifa Nabki

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14 thoughts on “U.S. Approves Massive Arms Shipment to Lebanon

  1. I was had for around 5 seconds:-) Good stuff.

    Posted by ghassan karam | December 4, 2009, 11:07 pm
  2. OMG, LOL.

    Posted by Cathie | December 4, 2009, 11:11 pm
  3. The Quad is real cool.

    Thanks for the laugh QN.

    Posted by Ras Beirut | December 4, 2009, 11:17 pm
  4. You see, AIPAC is certainly getting weaker.

    How did you find the Quad??? Did you guess there could be such a thing and googled it???

    Posted by AIG | December 5, 2009, 1:27 am
  5. Good one πŸ™‚ It certainly feels as you describe…

    Posted by Shadi | December 5, 2009, 8:12 am
  6. Wow,

    HA and Israel might feel threatened by the LAF’s strength after all these years! yassoo…

    Posted by danny | December 5, 2009, 8:28 am
  7. AIG

    It was in the press release. πŸ˜‰

    Posted by Qifa Nabki | December 5, 2009, 8:35 am
  8. You didn’t mention the anti-fundamentalist defolicular subturban spray. Why not? Are you hiding something?

    Posted by Joshua Landis | December 5, 2009, 11:21 am
  9. What! no high powered ni2eyfet in the package for surface to air defense?

    One would think this is the most important defense system.

    Posted by Ras Beirut | December 5, 2009, 11:55 am
  10. If that snazzy outfit comes with the Quad, then I’m joining the army!

    good stuff! :mrgreen:

    Posted by mas | December 5, 2009, 12:45 pm
  11. Ras Beirut

    The ni2eyfet were considered too risky.

    Posted by Qifa Nabki | December 5, 2009, 4:04 pm
  12. you didn’t mention the USB laser guided styrofoam missiles, all 250 of them with 3 launchers at a 2 meter range!

    Posted by clockwork | December 5, 2009, 4:13 pm
  13. They forgot the 50,000 pairs of Ray-Ban sunglasses? The LAF is going to be at a strategic disadvantage if this vital piece of equipment is not provided, in different fashionable models.

    Posted by Marko Pasha | December 5, 2009, 11:08 pm
  14. I rather thought the X2R can be quite useful for reconnaissance missions.

    See, Its just a mater of ‘thinking positive’ and finding the right use for the equipment. Don’t be such a defeatist

    Posted by G | December 6, 2009, 8:37 am

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