The Qnion

Heterodox Feminist Millenarian Group Pins Hopes for Armageddon on Miss USA Win

Rima Fakih: Miss America 2010, or a sign of the end times?

KHAROB-E DARVISH, Iran — The leader of a millenarian group based in this remote Middle Eastern village has claimed that the recent crowning of Miss USA is a sign of the coming Armageddon.

Moulana Fatima Darvishi, spiritual leader of the Circle of Pious Warriors and Noble Pilgrims, released a fatwa this afternoon after receiving word of the victory of Rima Faqih, a young woman from Michigan of Lebanese extraction, in the Miss USA competition.

“This is the sign that we have been waiting for,” said Ms. Darvishi to a group of assembled followers. “The rise of a faqih to rule over America is a symbol of the justice and righteousness of the Islamic Revolution.”

Ms. Darvishi was referring to the winning contestant’s surname, which means “jurist” in Arabic and Persian. As is well-known, the Islamic Republic of Iran is led by Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei according to the principle of the “Rulership of the Jurist” (wilayat al-faqih).

“When this noble faqih ascends from her rulership over the USA to claim her place as ruler of all of God’s creation — as Miss Universe — then that is when the world will be filled with justice, and time will end,” Ms. Darvishi said, beaming.

When informed that Ms. Faqih had not been crowned ruler of America but had simply won a beauty pageant, Ms. Darvishi smiled enigmatically at the gathered reporters and shook her head.

“There is no point in trying to spread misinformation and propaganda. The current order has fallen! We hereby swear our allegiance to Her Supreme Majesty Rima Faqih and announce our undying loyalty to her magnificent command.”

Ms Darvishi continued: “We also call upon all heterodox feminist millenarian groups all over the world to join us in our call for a global revolution to prepare the way for Her Supreme Majesty’s eternal reign.”

When contacted, the 24 year-old Ms. Faqih — a graduate of University of Michigan-Dearborn with majors in economics and business — did not return calls for comment.


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14 thoughts on “Heterodox Feminist Millenarian Group Pins Hopes for Armageddon on Miss USA Win

  1. Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Great post.

    But I would like to point out that wilayat is transliterated with a “v” in farsi. :p

    Posted by Abu Rejection | May 17, 2010, 3:24 pm
  2. You scare me, I had to find the QNION logo. Had to be there!

    Posted by Jester theFool | May 17, 2010, 5:37 pm
  3. I would’ve loved to see this tie in with the story of the Iranian cleric who claims that more cleavage leads to earthquakes…

    Posted by Bad Vilbel | May 17, 2010, 7:36 pm
  4. LOL
    A bit… excessive isn’t it? but that’s just me…

    Posted by Ram Nakhle | May 17, 2010, 11:54 pm
  5. I surrender to her Supreme Majesty’s eternal reign, especially in that second picture bellow …
    for those who won’t submit, unnamed sources in Iran speak of a 2011 calendar featuring all the Sexy Ayatollah Hunks parading half naked in Qom. Resist that America!!

    Posted by V | May 18, 2010, 1:24 am
  6. The Qnion is more and more sexist and less and less funny. I don’t understand this overcompensation of machist silliness in the last two posts. Nothing about the Nakba commemoration day : not sexy enough I presume?

    Posted by quelqu'une | May 18, 2010, 4:22 am
  7. This seems to generally spark interesting discussions around Arab feminisms. On the one hand plenty of Arabs and Muslims seem to be happy that America, would allow itself to be represented, even if only in a Miss World contest, by somebody of the mentioned descent. On the other hand there is a general feminist rejection of this kind of representation of the female body.

    Posted by SD | May 18, 2010, 6:13 am
  8. Quelqu’une

    You want me to write something satirical about the Nakba commemoration? I don’t think there’s anything to joke about there.

    Posted by Qifa Nabki | May 18, 2010, 8:51 am
  9. Nothing about the Nakba commemoration day : not sexy enough I presume?


    Well, at least the arabs have Egypt, Libya, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, the West Bank, Gaza, Syria, United Arab Emirates, Yemen, Qatar, Kuwait, Oman, and Iraq.

    Did I miss any?

    Posted by Akbar Palace | May 18, 2010, 8:53 am
  10. I am definitely Rapture Ready.

    Posted by Roger | May 18, 2010, 9:31 am
  11. @ Qifa Nabki :
    Of course not, I didn’t expect a satirical post about the Nakba.

    @ SD :
    I fully agree with what you call “the feminist rejection” of such a representation. But this choice of “Miss World” also reminds me of the fact that, beyond genders, Arabs citizens are subjected to humiliating search at American airports. Different means but same racial profiling.

    Posted by quelqu'une | May 18, 2010, 9:36 am
  12. Elias Muhanna must burned at the stake for blasphemy!!!

    Posted by ijlisa nabki | May 18, 2010, 12:27 pm
  13. Hahah i’m with jester the fool!!! 😀 I was shocked at the 1st few sentences, then looked for the Qnion logo. Hilarious!
    [And I don’t see how some commentators label it as “sexist”. Bel 3akess, it’s satire… pff.]

    Posted by Maya | May 18, 2010, 1:52 pm


  1. Pingback: Rima Fakih on Lebanese TV « Qifa Nabki | A Lebanese Political Blog - June 6, 2010

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