KHAROB-E DARVISH, Iran — The leader of a millenarian group based in this remote Middle Eastern village has claimed that the recent crowning of Miss USA is a sign of the coming Armageddon.
Moulana Fatima Darvishi, spiritual leader of the Circle of Pious Warriors and Noble Pilgrims, released a fatwa this afternoon after receiving word of the victory of Rima Faqih, a young woman from Michigan of Lebanese extraction, in the Miss USA competition.
“This is the sign that we have been waiting for,” said Ms. Darvishi to a group of assembled followers. “The rise of a faqih to rule over America is a symbol of the justice and righteousness of the Islamic Revolution.”
Ms. Darvishi was referring to the winning contestant’s surname, which means “jurist” in Arabic and Persian. As is well-known, the Islamic Republic of Iran is led by Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei according to the principle of the “Rulership of the Jurist” (wilayat al-faqih).
“When this noble faqih ascends from her rulership over the USA to claim her place as ruler of all of God’s creation — as Miss Universe — then that is when the world will be filled with justice, and time will end,” Ms. Darvishi said, beaming.
When informed that Ms. Faqih had not been crowned ruler of America but had simply won a beauty pageant, Ms. Darvishi smiled enigmatically at the gathered reporters and shook her head.
“There is no point in trying to spread misinformation and propaganda. The current order has fallen! We hereby swear our allegiance to Her Supreme Majesty Rima Faqih and announce our undying loyalty to her magnificent command.”
Ms Darvishi continued: “We also call upon all heterodox feminist millenarian groups all over the world to join us in our call for a global revolution to prepare the way for Her Supreme Majesty’s eternal reign.”
When contacted, the 24 year-old Ms. Faqih — a graduate of University of Michigan-Dearborn with majors in economics and business — did not return calls for comment.